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Excersus LV: The World is Full of Smashing Boars


Walhalla, as it is described in the Eddas, is almost a word for word realization of the Buck-o-Nine "Irish Drinking Song." You would eat all the food you want, drink all the alcohol you wanted, handed to you by virginal Valkyries, then go out and fight, die, and resurrect to repeat it all again the next day. But the ancient Norse were practical people, acutely conscious of issues of supply, and so, unlike their Christian counterparts, they naturally asked "Where is all this food going to come from?" Their answer was Saehrimnir - a great boar who whose sacrifice and rebirth would keep pace with that of the heroes of Walhalla. I don't know of any stories of Saehrimnir complaining, but one wouldn't blame him if he did - getting slaughtered, dismembered, eaten, and resurrected once a day, every day, until Ragnarok, while a bunch of grunts in the next building get themselves Fighting Drunk at the hands of fair maidens in battle armor, is not the most lavish apportionment of divine benefits as against responsibilities.

- Count Dolby von Luckner