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Episode II: Youngest God Syndrome


I always enjoyed when Jehovah's Witnesses came over with the flyer that had a representation of Paradise which featured a predator and a gaggle of fluffy edible critters frolicking around its paws. The theological issue here is sort of hard to parse - have the rabbits been forgiven whatever original rabbit sin it was that made god kick them out of the peaceful co-existence of Eden? What could they possibly have done to deserve millenia and millenia of getting chased and devoured by everything with teeth or talons? Or did Adam and Eve somehow fuck things up for the rabbits too? In which case, that hardly seems fair...

It's hard to say whether Vocate Dunsmuth is exaggerating here. Presently, we have a few examples of Mesopotomian and Chinese writing that pre-date the Judaeo-Christian Beginning of the World, and so it is at least possible that the Vocate had a substantial number more of them preserved in his archives, given that he was two millenia closer to the source.

As to who would win in a fight between Jehovah and Mars, I give Jehovah full marks for being bat-shit insane on a level that The Joker might envy ("Gosh, this pharoah sure is being strict... I know what let's do! Mass Baby Murder! And then let's make a holiday out of it!" "Ummm... Good... good thinking there, Yahweh..."), and those sorts tend to find ways to win. Still, if we work on the theory that a god's power is directly proportional to the population of those who believe in him, it seems that, in 51 AD, Mars would be the ready victor.

- Count Dolby von Luckner